His worst nightmare
by ffrookie
Summary: Marty Deeks had thought his life had turned for the better. He's in a relationship with the woman he loves, he's respected at work and for the first time in years he can say he's really happy. But when a shadow from his past comes back to haunt him it could destroy everything he has build up for himself. Multichapter-Fic mostly about Deeks and his past, also some densi
1. Chapter 1

Marty Deeks entered the bullpen with a disquieting feeling in his stomach. And as soon as he heard his partners voice he knew it wasn't about to get better anytime soon.

"You should have seen the look on his face," Kensi's voice was low and someone who didn't know her would think of it as calm, almost solemn. But Deeks knew her better than that. She wasn't calm at all. Something was bothering her. And he knew what it was. When she realized there was someone entering she stopped speaking, looked up and met his eyes for a brief second. Then she looked down, awkwardly, and turned away again to Nell Jones whom she was talking to before.

The two women stood in a little corner in the hallway and while Kensi turned her face away from him Nell tried to look as neutral as possible. Deeks opened his mouth to say something but all he could bring out was a "Hey!"

Nell smiled a half-warm smile and Deeks was about to walk to his desk, not expecting a reaction from Kensi. When it came it made him stop and turn towards them again.

"Hey"

Kensi had never been good with words when it came to expressing her feelings so he wasn't surprised that she simply echoed his greeting. What made him stop was the tone of it. Kensi had a hot temper and usually, when something was bothering her it was more likely she'd be getting angry or making cutting remarks about it. But there was neither anger nor cynicism in her voice. It was sadness. Her voice was even lower than before and barely audible but he could hear it as clearly as if she had yelled right into his ear. Nell, obviously surprised too, had turned towards Kensi as well and now they were both staring at her, surprised that the at work usually self-controlled Kensi Blye had lost her cool this one time.

A whistle sounded from inside the bullpen and the voice of Eric Beale could be heard from upstairs.

"Gentlemen, we have a case... do you know where Kensi and Deeks are?"

"Kensi must be somewhere around here, no idea about Deeks...,"

Even Callen was already around so Deeks figured he better hurry up before Hetty would notice him being late. After one last look at Kensi he turned around again and hurried to the bullpen.

"Hey, have you seen Kensi? She...," before Callen could continue Deeks cut him off.

"Yeah, yeah... she and Nell are right behind me," Callen raised an eyebrow, realizing that there was something odd about his colleague this morning. Sam Hanna, the fourth member of the operative team, had been typing away on his laptop doing the obligatory paperwork. He looked up, but said nothing, only exchanged looks with his partner Callen.

"Ahem... when everybody's here... could you come up please then...? Hetty's waiting...," Eric sounded uncomfortable. There were only few things he hated more than being alone with his boss. Like making her wait.

Callen was already at the stairs and Sam got up as well. Deeks stowed his bag under his desk, saw from the corner of his eye that Nell and Kensi appeared from the hallway and headed to the stairs as well, carefully ignoring him.


	2. Chapter 2

The morning had begun quite well. Kensi and Deeks had been together for about nine months now. After years of running after each other, denying their feelings or simply being just scared of what might happen if they would give their relationship a chance, they had finally given in and started dating. Since then they usually spent their days and nights together, either at work or when work was done at his or her apartment.

Monty had gotten his own bed at Kensi's place so Deeks could bring him over and everything went surprisingly well. Sure they'd had some disagreements - which couple doesn't? - but they usually reconciled pretty fast. At work they kept it strictly business, though Callen, Sam, Eric, Nell, Hetty and Granger had known about their feelings for each other for a long time, maybe even longer than they themselves had been willing to admit. So when they had actually gotten together it was more like a sight of relieve than a shock. Even Granger had stopped eyerolling after some time

Counting everything together Deeks realized that the past nine months had been the happiest time of his life so far. He was in a relationship with the woman he loved and he knew he was loved back. Him, not some alias or undercover personality he had to develop for the job. He was happy at work, accepted from his colleagues and for a short time it had seemed the dark shadows of his past had finally let him go. That was until this morning.

It was about 6 am when they had woken up at Kensi's place. Since her apartment was nearer to the office than his they had been able to stay in bed a little longer and had started fooling around. Deeks had tried to make her laugh. He loved making her laugh. Not that factitious laugh she used when they were undercover but that special one she only gave the people she loved. When she squinted her eyes and her nose crinkled he could see for a brief moment the little girl Kensi, like she once was before her mom had left the family, her dad had died and life had delivered one blow to her neck after the other.

He loved seeing her laugh like that and would have sold everything he had to give her back that happiness more often. This morning he had succeeded and Kensi had doubled up with laughter. But then she had gotten serious. "You know... these last months... I'm very happy, you know. With you,"

Obviously she had had no idea how to begin or how to say it. Deeks had smiled "I'm happy too,"Kensi had smiled back at him and continued.

"I was wondering... if we should…" she had made an undefinable gesture with her hand, "I don't know... move in together?" She had made a pause, looking at him.

They had talked about it a couple of times before but usually either one or both of them hadn't been serious about it and they had just teased each other like they always did. But this time it was different, this time she was serious.

"I mean we basically already live together, we're just commuting from your place to mine and back again and…" Kensi had stopped and her voice had began to fade when she had seen his face. For he hadn't been listening to her anymore. As soon as she had spoken out the words it had been as if the claws of his dark days were reappearing from their hiding place, taking him back into their cold embrace and the fear he had repressed for the last nine months had come back with a force he hadn't expected. What would happen if he screwed this up? He had never felt so much for any other person than what he felt for her. What would happen if she finally saw who he really was? His whole being, including his father's heritage that he was trying to hide from the world since he realized he had it in him.

He was shuddering at the thought she could turn away from him, either in disgust or out of fear of what he was capable of. He had never told her what had happened in Afghanistan and what he had done or would have done to the clergy. All this had gone through his mind and he obviously hadn't controlled his facial expression, because when he had come to his senses again Kensi had looked at him with a mixture of horror and despair.

"Well... I guess have my answer then." She had turned away to get up and out of the bed. Deeks had realized that she had directed his fear on herself, thinking that he was scared of living with her. Because of her.

"Kensi, wait...!" he had been pushing the blankets away, trying to get up as well, but before he could say anything else Kensi had cut him off.

"It's okay, I get it," and disappeared into the bathroom. Her walls were up again. The walls he had been working on since they had first met. Deeks had closed his eyes in frustration. Why did it always have to end like that? Why did they always have to talk at cross-purposes? He had heard the shower running and had waited for about 30 minutes for her to get out. Then he had given in. Obviously she had stopped wanting to talk to him. Since he himself had to shower and had to get dressed he had decided to take Monty and went to his own place, took a shower there and then drove directly to work. He definitely had to talk with Kensi about all this, but not now... maybe later today.


	3. Chapter 3

When he entered OPS his colleagues where already centered around the light table in the middle of the room with Nell and Eric standing a little apart, ready to explain the facts of the case. Also present was their boss, operations manager Henrietta "Hetty" Lange, waiting to disclose the mission to her team. Assistant director Owen Granger was missing.

"Mr. Deeks, would you please close up so we can start."

As always Hetty was almost stifling with formality. Deeks demonstratively took a place on Kensi's left side though he didn't dare looking at her. What he did notice was a slight twitch in Nell's face, as if she wanted to smile and then changed her mind. Maybe it was wishful thinking but Deeks wanted to read her face as if she wanted to say "maybe not everything's lost yet". Then the screen lit up with the picture of a dead man and pulled him back to the present.

"This is Chief Petty Officer Bradley Nicholson," Eric began, explaining who the dead man was. "He was found dead yesterday at 9 am at the Long Beach Naval Shipyard, shot three times in the head. Forensics found a lot of gunpowder around the bullet holes and the coroner confirmed that the gun must have been directly pointed at his head when the shots where fired."

"He was executed," Callen concluded.

"That's what we're thinking Mr. Callen," Hetty confirmed. "What you also need to know is that Petty Officer Nicholson was court-martialed five years ago, he was suspected of selling Navy property, namely guns and artillery in quantity to the highest bidder."

Sam grimaced. If there was one thing he hated more than anything it was military personnel forgetting about the oath they had sworn and the country they were supposed to protect. That they did it for money made it even worse.

"Why was he still in the Navy then?" Deeks asked.

"Because they couldn't prove it" Eric explained. "There was no confession, the witnesses where mostly not credible because they dealt with weapons themselves and except for some money on his bank account they didn't have much evidence against him. He explained it with a heritage that he had made at the time."

"So he could continue with everything completely undetected?" Sam asked.

"Not completely," Hetty stepped in again. "But sadly Mr. Nicholson was very careful, not only in choosing his associates but also what to do with the money he was earning. We still don't know where it is, it is your goal to find out who killed the Chief Petty Officer and who he was making business with. We need to know what exactly he was dealing and who he was dealing with."

Callen nodded slightly. "Do we have a suspect yet?" Now Hetty nodded, then turned her face to Nell, who made a gesture on her tablet.

The face of a man appeared on the screen, a photo taken in a court room. A man in his late fifties, his brown hair in disorder. Suddenly Deeks could hear his heartbeat in his ears. He closed his eyes and opened them again in the hopes his eyes had just played a trick on him. They hadn't. He was still there. Deeks could feel his arms and legs getting numb. He had to clutch himself to the table in order not to fall over. "He has changed" Deeks thought, maybe he had had something done to his face, a minor surgery to change the cheeks and the nose. But he recognized the eyes. The eyes that had haunted him ever since he was a little boy. His eyes...

Kensi realized something had changed the second the photo popped up on the screen. Although she couldn't specify what was wrong the little hairs on her arms stood up. Had it gotten colder in here all of a sudden? "Who's that?" she asked.

"The only known 'friend' of the Chief Petty Officer," Eric explained. "A man named Michael Roberts, now 62 years old, from San Diego. He moved here 20 years ago and tolerably kept the wolf from the door with occasional jobs. No wife, no kids."

Deeks snorted next to her. So far she had avoided looking into his face out of fear she would loose control again, but when she looked at him now she was even more scared at what she saw. He looked as if he'd just seen a ghost, white as a sheet, his hands clutching so hard to the table that his knuckles stood out white. His face was distorted to an expression that Kensi couldn't really identify, a mixture between disbelief, consternation … and fear.

"Deeks?" Kensi put her hand on his back, trying to comfort him. His face was twitching. "What's wrong?" He looked like he was ready to vomit.

"Mr. Deeks?" Hetty, along with the others now had turned to him as well. Five pairs of eyes stared at Deeks, wanting to know what was going on.

Deeks cleared his throat, trying to push back the bile that was gathering in his throat, all ready to come out. "I know this man," he finally uttered. "I've know him for a long time actually, but not under this name," Callen raised an eyebrow, so did Hetty. Deeks could feel the physical presence of Kensi's hand on his back but at this point there was no consolation. "The name of this man is not Michael Roberts. His name is Gordon John Brandel."


	4. Chapter 4

There was silence in OPS as they were processing the information. Kensi's eyes widened and she opened her mouth as if to say something, but no sound came out. She was staring at him disbelievingly, her hand still on his back as if it was grown together with it. Hetty pursed her lips while adjusting to the new situation while Nell was staring blankly to the ground.

Eric was the first to find his voice again. "But your f..., I thought he was..."

"We all thought that, Mr. Beale, would you please find a photo of Mr. Deeks' father and compare the photographs? If this really is Mr. Brandel we need to know for sure." Hetty was already all business again and Deeks was thankful since it turned the attention from him to the screen.

Eric was already typing and after a few seconds a mug shot of his father appeared. Now two pairs of the same blue eyes bore themselves into him and Deeks wasn't sure for how much longer he could hold on.

Eric put the two pictures next to each other and the face recognition software started. After a few seconds a simple beep announced that the two men on the pictures were one and the same. His father, the nightmare of his life, whom he had thought dead, had returned to haunt him.

"Mr. Deeks, considering the new situation I'm sure you understand that we can't let you work on this case anymore." Hetty was being direct.

Deeks nodded. "I understand," and in a lower voice he added, "trust me, I'm not eager to work on it anyway." Kensi had regained her composure again and started to direct him to a chair in a corner of the OPS, obviously she was afraid his knees might finally give in.

"Why hasn't this been discovered earlier?" Sam asked. "We've had Brandel's fingerprints ever since he was arrested."

"Yeah, but he was acting as a character witness for Nicholson and we don't take fingerprints from our witnesses yet," Eric explained.

"Obviously Brandel faked his death on that car accident in '98 and took a new identity. He remained under the radar until Nicholson needed a credible friend," Nell added.

"The question that remains is, how much does he know? Did he knew Nicholson was foul, maybe even made business with him or did he really think he was just helping out a friend?" Callen continued. "Do we have an address?"

"Yeah, he lives in Highland Park, I'll send the address to your phones," Eric was all business now.

"Ms. Jones, I want you to team up with Ms. Blye for this mission. Mr. Deeks, I have to ask you to stay here, maybe your… experience with the witness can be of value. While the others are in the field maybe you and Mr. Beale can find out how Mr. Brandel was able to feign his death and could avoid detection for so long."

Deeks nodded, frustrated, while Callen took the lead again. "Alright, Sam and I'll go and pay Mr. Roberts a visit; Nell, Kensi, I want you to take a look at the files from the court martial, check the other witnesses, they may not have been credible for a conviction, but maybe they can help us find some of Nicholson's 'clients'."

Kensi nodded, although it could be seen she wasn't happy leaving Deeks like this. As his friends head out of OPS and leaving him and Eric alone, Deeks closed his eyes, wondering how his life could have fallen apart in a matter of just a few hours.


	5. Chapter 5

The first few minutes in the Challenger passed on in silence. Both Callen and Sam were busy with their own thoughts about the changed situation. A normal case about a dead sailor had turned into a case that was maybe directly related to one of their own. Since the whole Sidorov episode Sam's relationship with Deeks had developed into a solid friendship and Sam cared about Deeks as much as any other member of the team. He still made fun of him from time to time, however his respect for the man had grown over the years and he didn't see him as a necessary evil anymore but a valuable asset to the team and a friend.

"I'm sorry for him. Deeks I mean" Sam started. "All of his life he was trying to get away from the guy but now he even comes back from the dead"

"Not sure I'm the right person to speak to about father issues, Sam" Callen was even deeper tangled in his thoughts. "All my life I was wishing for my father to return as much as Deeks wished for his to disappear from his life. Now his dad came back. Irony of fate..."

"Hmmm" Sam cursed himself for starting the topic. Luckily it didn't take them long to reach the address Eric had given them.

Kensi's mind wasn't really on her work and she was mad at herself about it. If she could put her energy in going through the files like Nell did, maybe they would find something and bring this case to a quick end without having to torture Deeks much longer. It was already a hard blow for him anyway, having to acknowledge his dad was still alive and that he could encounter him at any second at every corner of the city. She had never seen him like today and it scared her.

"You know, you could go upstairs and help somebody else, I can do this alone" Obviously Nell had realized Kensi was absent-minded. Kensi closed her eyes and let her head down for a second.

"Sorry Nell, I was just... I can't stop thinking about Deeks. I want to help him, but I can't and I'm just..." she exhaled "it's frustrating"

"I know. I would have hoped our first case working together in the field might have been a better one too, lady" Nell replied.

Kensi smiled a bitter smile when she heard Nell's nickname for her. She closed her eyes once again, took a deep breath and turned to the computer screen again.

"We have some more files to check, the sooner we'll find something the better it is for everybody." 

Deeks still sat on his chair in the corner of OPS and had never felt more lonely in life. They had found out that the body they retrieved from the wreck of his father's car after the accident had been completely burned, so no identification by relatives or friends had been possible and also no fingerprints had been verifiable. He had been identified by dental records which had come from his last dentist. Eric had found out that they had been delivered to the coroner by a courier service, so it was possible that Brandel might have bribed either the dentist or the courier service to switch the records of the dead with his own. How that person came into Brandel's car in the first place or who he was remained unclear.

Eric was typing on his keyboard, trying to find out more about the courier service and obviously had no idea what to say or how to say it. It was awkward for both of them. Deeks had no idea what to do. Every time he closed his eyes he saw them again. Those blue eyes staring at him. Cold and dismissive. Would he ever be able to get rid of them?


	6. Chapter 6

Brandel/Roberts wasn't at home. One of his neighbors who came along by chance told Callen and Sam he usually was out in the mornings but she had not idea where he went to. She described him as a loner, not very chatty and most of the time pretty harsh with the children of the neighborhood. Callen and Sam exchanged looks. Callen asked if she knew if he had any friends that they could ask. She told him to ask Max from the liquor store two blogs away as she had seen Brandel a couple of times there. Another exchange of looks.

"Liquor store... it just keeps getting better and better" Callen muttered. 

At this time of the day the liquor store wasn't exactly crowded so they had some time to speak with the owner, a guy named Max O'Reilley. Callen had decided not to beat around the bush and told him directly that they were looking for Mike Roberts. O'Reilley was shocked that federal agents were looking for one of his customers but willing to tell them what he knew. Which wasn't a lot.

Roberts had moved to the neighborhood about 6 years ago, he maintained a low profile and O'Reilley had never heard him speak of family or friends. He was usually in a sullen mood and didn't talk much. He was coming every second or third day and left the store with a cheap but solid whiskey and a few bottles of wine. Roberts was one of the few clients who had never asked him to give him something on credit. He always paid cash.

"So he has a job, do you know where he works?"

"Not for sure, he once mentioned a scrap merchant whom he was working for. Down in Signal Hill somewhere. But that was some time ago, not sure if he still has the job or if he's working at all. He's not the youngest anymore, you know."

Callen and Sam thanked him and left the store.

"Why would an old, grumpy guy with an obvious alcohol problem drive from Northeast Los Angeles right through the whole city to a junk dealer in the south to work there?" Sam wondered.

"Good question... one we should pursue" Callen took out his phone

"Eric, can you check how many scrap yards are located in Signal Hill?"

If Eric was surprised about the question he carried it off well. "There are three directly in Signal Hill and another two in the bordering areas. I'm sending the addresses to your phones."

"Good, thanks Eric … by the way.. how is Deeks?"

Eric lowered his voice "I'm not sure, he hasn't spoken much since you left and... I don't know what to say to him..."

"Try to figure something out, Eric, you can do this" Callen ended the call and turned to Sam. "Well, then let's go to the South."


	7. Chapter 7

Kensi and Nell's search for other witnesses who could tell them about Brad Nicholson or Michael Roberts hadn't been very successful. Of the four witnesses the prosecutor had named for the court martial two had died (both had been shot), one was in jail and the fourth had disappeared. So their only goal was the guy in jail, a man named Anthony Logan. He was serving 20 years in California State Prison up in Lancaster a little bit North of Los Angeles. With Hettys permission they left to talk to Logan. When they reached the prison it was already afternoon.

"Your first time in a jail?" Kensi asked.

"Yeah," Nell replied. "and I'm not exactly sure if I like it..."

Kensi smiled an awry smile but before she could answer the door opened and Tony Logan was being let into the interogation room. Kensi got up

"Mr. Logan, I'm special Agent Blye of the NCIS and this is Nell Jones. Thank you for talking to us, we have some questions about a man named Bradley Nicholson. We learned you know him?"

Logan snorted. "Now all of a sudden you guys want to talk about that bastard? Five years ago your damn prosecutor promised me who knows what if I take the stand against him, I did and what happened? His lawyer insulted me, said I was a liar and a criminal and the whole case went through the roof. What has changed? Has the Vatican cleared me of lying now?"

"Nicholson's dead"

Logan looked at Kensi then turned down his eyes and looked at the table before him. "Well... it could be expected considering the people he made business with..."

"Do you happen to know who these people are?" Kensi's blood was rushing now, maybe one piece of the puzzle and one piece off the mission was about to come to its place now.

But instead of answering Logan smiled a crooked smile. "If I tell you, what's in it for me? You don't expect me to share my knowledge with you just because you're such a lovely person. Although I appreciate the NCIS sending two such good looking agents into my lonely little world."

Nell shuddered. She wouldn't even touch the guy if she got payed for it. But obviously Kensi was prepared for that. She ignored his remark and told him they would put in a good word for him at his next parole hearing. When he was complaining this wasn't enough, Kensi got up and told him if he wasn't going to talk to them then maybe the other three witnesses from the court martial would. She was totally bluffing, hoping for the fact that he didn't knew about the other three and their fate. They wrapped up their stuff and headed out.

As soon as they reached the door, Logan called them back. Luckily he hadn't heard of his companions. He agreed on their conditions but asked if they could at least talk to the warden to give him another cell. His cellmate had obviously smoked one joint too much and was "bonkers". Kensi promised to speak with the warden and Logan started to talk.

"Brad Nicholson was one of the most unscrupulous men I've ever met. He would have sold his own mother if he would have made money out of it. On the other hand he was completely paranoid. Never trusted anybody except for his aid, but I've never met that guy. However, you wanted to know whom he dealt with? Anybody – anybody who had the money to afford his services. He supplied the goods and when you payed enough he even shipped you the stuff if needed. I know that he once shipped about 50 boxes of semi-automatic rifles to Nicaragua right through the Navy's front yard. They didn't even notice he was there and he got the whole cargo safely to its destination." Logan seemed almost impressed. "He was a bastard, but he knew what he was doing."

"So he was doing business with the drug cartels in South America, anybody else?"

"As I said, anybody who had the money. He supplied groups here in the US with guns and rifles, but also groups in the Middle East or Africa. Wasn't all Navy stuff, only his premium customers got those." Kensi shuddered at the thought of who these premium customers might be.

She thanked Logan for his help and asked him to write down everything he just told them and everything else he knew. In the meantime she would go and speak to the warden. Logan nodded and Nell gave him paper and a pen.

They left him in the custody of a guard and while Kensi kept her word and left for the wardens office, Nell called Hetty and gave her an update on what Logan said. After she had finished Nell waited for Kensi to return, mostly because she didn't want to be alone with this guy.

Kensi came back with good news, the warden agreed to transfer Logan to another block of the prison. When they told him Logan seemed honestly happy. He got up to pack his stuff and move to his new cell but before he reached the door he stopped and turned around one last time

"Because you're such nice ladies I'm gonna give you an extra information totally free of charge: if you want to know exactly whom Nicholson was doing business with, find his aid. As I said I've never met the guy, Nicholson always called him Junior. He was the only person the man trusted I think. If he's still alive, he's your guy" Logan turned around and disappeared into the inner life of the prison.


	8. Chapter 8

"What do you think?"

Kensi hadn't said much since they had left the prison and Nell was curious what the more experienced agent had in mind.

"You mean if I believe him? Yes, I do. He had no reason to lie to us and his story makes sense. Problem remains that maybe we now have a better view on Nicholsons's character, but that doesn't help us with his clients or the weapons he was selling. According to Logan he wasn't only stealing Navy property but stuff from God-knows-where. Which expands the list of possible suspects to no end. We need to find that Junior guy. Only he's able to bring some light into all of this it seems"

"If he's still alive..." Nell remembered Logan's words … "if he's still alive."

It was late afternoon when Callen and Sam reached the last scrap yard on their list. The four others in the area had all been failures. So they had to put their hopes on this last one. They parked the challenger outside and went straight to a little building in the midst of the area that contained the office. A young Asian looking secretary was inside and Callen and Sam flashed their marks. They told her they were investigating a homicide when a man, also Asian, approached from a room from the rear area of the building. He introduced himself as Mr. Nguyen, the owner of the business and asked if something was wrong.

Sam asked him about the two men. He didn't know the names of Nicholson and Roberts and it started to seem that the trace was a deadlock. But when Callen showed him the picture of Nicholson on his cellphone, Mr. Nguyen's expression changed from confusion to recognition. He told them that he knew this man, pretty well even, but not under that name. The name was Charles Smith and he was Nguyen's manager.

"Your manager?" Callen asked.

"Yeah... you see... I came to the United States from Vietnam 8 years ago and … it's very difficult to run a business here in comparison to my homeland. So many papers and licenses you have to get and rules you have to follow. And my English wasn't very good at the time... it still isn't..." He looked down embarrassed.

He had a strong accent, though Callen thought his diction was good.

"Mr. Smith was so kind to handle all this for me and still does, he does most of the paperwork, along with our bookkeeper" Nguyen continued "Is he in any trouble?"

"I'm sorry to tell you that "Mr. Smith" was found dead this morning not far from here. We're investigating his death" Callen finally revealed.

Nguyen was honestly shocked.

"Did something stand out in his behavior recently, was he changed or nervous?" Sam asked.

Nguyen shook his head. "Everything was normal" he said "I spoke with him just yesterday and he seemed in good spirits."

Callen hesitated for a minute, seemed to be in thinking about something.

"Hmm... thank you for your time" Callen shook the man's hand and turned around to leave when he remembered. After the lead to Nicholson had become hot so suddenly he had almost forgotten about Deeks' father, who had brought them here in the first place. Callen turned around and asked Nguyen to take one last look on another photo.

Sam showed him the photo from his cell phone and Nguyen nodded "Yes, that's our bookkeeper, Mr. Richardson. His first name is Joseph but Mr. Smith always called him "Junior", I don't know why. It must be some kind of American humor that I don't understand"


	9. Chapter 9

It was almost 6pm when Nell and Kensi finally returned to the bullpen. Callen and Sam were still on the road and Deeks had already left. Eric told them he had complained about a headache and since there wasn't much he could do Hetty had agreed to sent him home.

Kensi pursed her lips for a moment. She wanted to be there for him, wanted to help him through this. Now in addition to what happened this morning it seemed like he wanted to encapsulate himself. Just like he did after he was tortured by Sidorov and had developed the PTSD afterwards. While she wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do she decided to pay him a visit after work and make sure he was okay.

Eric had some more news, he had found out that it had been Nicholson who had helped Brandel fake his death by blackmailing a worker at the coroners office. The man had received Brandel's dental records from Nicholson and switched them with the ones of the dead. That way Gordon John Brandel had ceased to exist. Until now...

Just then Kensi's phone rang, it was Callen announcing their return with some news within the next 30 minutes. After she hung up she looked at Nell and Eric

"Looks like we'll be stuck here for some extra time."

When Sam and Callen returned to the bullpen they found Kensi busy with paperwork, Nell and Eric were discussed something in OPS. Hetty, as always, appeared from the shadow of her office like a genie from her bottle.

After they had exchanged their findings Hetty resumed

"So it seems like Mr. Nicholson and Mr. Brandel were very much business partners and Mr. Brandel not only knew about the illegal activities of his friend but also participated in them."

"He was his Lieutenant and if Logan's right, he should know everything about Nicholson's business we want to know" Sam agreed.

"Nobody has seen him since yesterday, so we don't know if he's still alive or his whereabouts altogether. He could be dead too, or on the run, he could even be Nicholson's killer" Callen added.

"We need to find him as soon as possible" Hetty agreed. "Mr. Callen, you and Mr. Hanna go back to Mr. Brandel's apartment and see if he's there. If not you'll wait for him until he returns." She turned to Kensi and Nell

"Ms. Blye, Ms. Jones, you'll do the same at Mr. Nguyen's wrecking yard"

"But I..." Kensi had started to speak before she realized what she was doing

"Yes, Ms. Blye?" She felt Hettys merciless glare. No use of beating around the bush anymore.

"I wanted to check on Deeks when we are done here. Now the observation of the scrap yard could take all night"

Hetty nodded and thought about it for a second.

"Mr. Deeks was indeed a little beside himself today. All right Ms. Blye, you go and see how Mr. Deeks is doing. You can return here tomorrow at the usual time. Mr. Callen, Mr. Hanna you will proceed as planned. Ms. Jones, you and I will observe the wrecking yard, Mr. Beale will monitor everything from OPS."

Nell's eyes widened when she realized she would be out in the field with her boss... maybe for the whole duration of the night, depending where and when Brandel might show up.

"Thank you, Hetty" Kensi was already somewhere else with her mind. "I'll see you tomorrow. And good luck with the observation."


	10. Chapter 10

At 9pm Kensi was at her wit's end. She couldn't find him.

She had been at Deeks' apartment but with the exception of Monty no one was there. He had tried to reach him on the his phone, but he had turned it off. She had tried the beach where he was usually surfing to clear his mind but no Deeks. She had tried three restaurants where they sometimes had their lunch or dinner but again: no Deeks. Then she had started walking around aimlessly, more or less hoping for him to show up miraculously. Nothing. When she returned home to her apartment she had a little hope that he might be there but when she drove up her driveway she could see the windows were dark and locked like she had left them this morning. No Deeks.

She began to lose courage. Not that she thought he might do something stupid but she had hoped that he might turn to her in this time of need. Instead he had disappeared like he had done all those years before. No, this time it was worse, after the Sidorov incident she had a least known where he was, even if he hadn't reacted on her efforts to get in touch. She decided to go inside, eat something, maybe have a shower and then leave and look out for him again. He couldn't just disappear...

As she entered her apartment the memory of what happened there this morning came back. She had suppressed it for most of the day, especially after Deeks' father had risen from the dead again. But now it hit her again. The shock when she had seen his reaction after her suggestion.

She knew she wasn't the easiest to handle, with her bad temper and her antics she had hurt him more than once and Deeks had proven his patience and his love for her countless times. That's why she had thought they would be able to overcome the differences in their personalities.

She had been happy these past nine months. She didn't have to lie to him about who she was or about the job, they understood each other and when she was with him, she had felt... loved. Something she hadn't felt for a long time. That's why it had hit her so badly when he had reacted so terrified.

For most of her life she had felt alone. All the people around her had left her, one by one. First her mother, then her father, then Jack. Even at work it had been a coming and going of partners. No matter how much she tried or how hard she worked they all had left her. It was never enough. She was never enough. Until Deeks had shown up. He had been the constant in her life, he had always been there and without him she would probably be dead already. He had saved her in almost every way a person could be saved. Yet, when she had wanted to commit herself to him, he had shied away from her.

The more she thought of it, the more she realized that maybe Deeks didn't want to be found by her. Whatever he was doing, he wanted to do it alone, obviously. Kensi sat down on her couch with a sandwich and not for the first time today she didn't know what to do.


	11. Chapter 11

Kensi woke up as her cell phone was ringing. She was on her couch, the remains of her sandwich on the table in front of her.

"I must have fallen asleep" she thought and stretched herself to get to her phone.

Her assumption was correct. 1:30 am and the number displayed was Deeks'.

"Damn! 1:30am? Something must have happened..." she thought.

With a weird feeling in her stomach Kensi picked up the call … and barely couldn't make up a voice since there was a lot of noise in the background.

"Deeks?! Are you there?!"

She almost yelled into the phone.

But the voice that answered wasn't his. A man introduced himself as Brody, a barkeeper at a bar downtown. One of his guests, the owner of the phone, had gotten drunk and now needed someone to pick him up and get him home safely. The man, blond, in his 30s had mumbled the name Kensi several times and since he had found that name on speed dial, he had called her.

Kensi was stunned. Deeks was drunk? That had never happened before, she couldn't even imagine him being drunk. Kensi asked the barkeeper to give the man his phone back so she could check if it was actually him. Deeks' voice was raspy and he slurred a little, but it was clearly him. And he was trying to talk her out of coming to his aid.

He said he was fine, really fine he just had a drink and didn't need her to come over and get him. No idea why the barkeeper had called her since he was fine. "Too many fines for my liking" Kensi thought to herself but didn't speak it out loud. She asked Deeks to give the phone back to Brody and told the man to keep Deeks where he was, she would be there in 15 minutes.

Kensi entered bar exactly 15 minutes later and spotted Deeks sitting at the bar, his head bend over an almost empty glass of scotch. A man she assumed was Brody stood a little apart behind the counter, eying him with a combination of pity and alertness. Deeks didn't notice her until she was standing right behind him and put a hand on his shoulder. He was surprised and it was clear that he wasn't happy to see her there.

"No need for you to come" he mumbled.

"I think there is and now we should get you home. You need some sleep, we have a lot of work to do tomorrow and Hetty better not see you like this"

She tried to grab his arm, but he pulled away from her grip and tried to get down from his barstool on his own. It started shaking and for a second Kensi thought he would fall along with the stool. But Deeks could steady himself on the counter and finally get down.

"I don't care what Hetty thinks or does. H-Has she ever cared about my opinion? I want you all to leave me alone, damnit..."

His breath smelled like a whiskey distillery and it dawned on Kensi that it wouldn't be easy to get him back to his place and into his bed. She payed the bill while keeping an eye on Deeks who was slowly, shakingly walking towards the door. He had already opened it when she reached him and the cold breath of the night touched them, causing Kensi to shudder a little. Deeks' apparently didn't notice as he was still grumbling about something Kensi couldn't catch.

It took her five minutes to get him into her car. At first he insisted on driving home with his own car, but Kensi was relentless. Even in this state he knew not to mess with her physically so after a lot of mumbling he climbed onto the passenger seat of her car. When Kensi tried to help him with the seat belt he he fought her off again, claiming he could do it own his own.

"I'm no child anymore, you know?"

Biting back a remark Kensi waited until he was done and started the engine.


	12. Chapter 12

The drive to his place went surprisingly well. Deeks had remained silent for most of the drive and she already thought he had fallen asleep. But when they stopped in his driveway she realized he wasn't sleeping at all, he was staring outside of the window and his expression didn't mean anything good. He was still angry.

"Thank you very much, dearest partner. Now who's gonna get my car over here when I need it tomorrow to drive to work to sit around idle for another day?"

He opened the car door to get out and almost fell. Another shower of curses. Kensi was clueless. She'd never seen him like that and she didn't know what to do. Leave him alone to sleep it off? Staying with him to make sure he's okay? That would unleash another round of anger, most definitely towards her. There were only a few people for whom she cared enough that their anger mattered to her but what she most definitely couldn't take was Deeks rejecting her. Even now when she knew he wasn't in control of himself.

She decided that she'd try to get him inside and then to bed. A cold shower would be even better, but she doubted she would get him that far.

She got out of the car and went to the passenger side where Deeks was still trying to steady himself. Again Kensi tried to grab his arm to guide him to the door, again he was pulling away from her, but this time with such a force that he lost his balance and fell hard on the ground. Kensi exhaled and closed her eyes for a few seconds. No sound from him.

"Deeks?"

He had remained lying down, flat on his stomach so that she couldn't see his face. Since he didn't make a move to get up, she kneeled down next to him to turn him around and get him on his feed again. This time he didn't fight back and when she turned him on his back another surprise was waiting for her. Since now his face didn't show anger anymore but deep despair. It seemed he was almost crying.

"Deeks? … Deeks, you're okay?"

She knew it was the most stupid question, anybody could see that he wasn't okay at all, but she couldn't think of anything smarter. Deeks was lying on his back, staring up into the night, blinking as if he was fighting back tears. He opened his mouth as if to say something but no words came out of his mouth. Then all of a sudden he rose again, got on his feet, walked three steps only to loose balance again and collapse near the soft shoulder of his driveway where he started vomiting.

Kensi got up and over to him, stroking his back until he was done. Afterwards she dragged him on his feed again, which was quite hard since Deeks seemed to have lost all his strength and leaned heavily on her. She dragged him to his front door and opened it with the key he had given her seven months ago. A happy barking welcomed them. As she switched on the light she could see Monty running and jumping up at them, obviously happy to see them finally back.

"At least somebody who's happy to see me" Kensi said to herself, not noticing she spoke the words out loud.

Deeks rose his head as if to say something but then again his stomach rebelled. He released Kensi and started walking towards the bathroom but obviously realized halfway he wouldn't make it on time. So the trash can in his living room had to do the deed. Kensi closed the front door and kneeled down to stroke Monty who was obviously irritated at his masters behavior. That day seriously had gotten from bad to worse.


	13. Chapter 13

When he only had dry heaves left, Kensi finally helped him to the bathroom. There she made him sit on the toilet seat cover and made a towel wet with cold water. She took the trash can that he was still holding from his hands and gave him the towel so that he'd be able to wash and cool his face.

While Kensi was cleaning up, she could hear him groaning under the towel several times. It seemed he wasn't angry anymore and hopefully the cold water was helping.

"Are you a bit better now?" she asked.

Deeks sat on his toilet, sunken down, looking like a picture of misery.

"You shouldn't have come" he finally said.

Kensi's mouth turned into a small line as she was trying to hold back what's been flashing through her mind. But sadly as too often her temper got the better half of her and she couldn't hold herself back anymore.

"Listen, I noticed you don't want me to take care of you and you made it clear this morning what you think of living with me. Maybe you should simply write a note for your wallet not to contact me when you're in trouble the next time."

"Kensi!"

Deeks tried to sit up, but had to lean against the toilet tank to remain upright. He was sweaty, his eyes were burning, he smelled terribly and his mind was still swirling, but he was afraid if he wouldn't say it now he would never say.

"T-That's not what I meant... and that's not what I meant this morning. I want to live with you... f-for the rest of my life if possible... if there's one person on this planet I want to spend the rest of my days with it's you... … B-But I'm no good for you..."

Now it was Kensi's turn to open and close her mouth again, not knowing what to say to this declaration.

"I mean look at this..."

Deeks opened his arms as if he was presenting something, then he continued

"... as soon as the road's getting dark I turn to a bar... just like him."

It started to dawn on Kensi from where he was coming from.

"All my life I was afraid... afraid of him... afraid because of him... afraid to become like him. I tried to put on the mask of happy Marty Deeks: friendly, funny... a good guy. I studied law because I wanted to protect people from men like him. To make sure people like my father end up where they belong to and won't be able to hurt anyone anymore. But as a lawyer you're always being called after something happened. You're just left with the mess and try to sort out right from wrong. I wanted to prevent things before they happen. So I became a cop. At the academy they found out I was good at undercover work, so I received special training for it. And it was easy for me. To slip into the skin of another person, being somebody else. Leaving the mess of my own life behind me for a while. I even had fun sometimes. But then came Max Gentry. I had to develop him for an undercover job and I hated him right from the start, I hated being him every damn second. Because somehow... it felt good. It felt good speaking your mind and not caring about the consequences. When somebody doesn't play along, Max just hits back. That's who he is. The longer I was Max the more I realized that my father was still there. That he has always been there and will always be there. I have his genes flowing through my veins, Kensi. Every time I look into the mirror, every time I see my eyes, I see him. I'm fighting against that side of me every damn day. What happens when I loose that fight you saw today and I saw it back in Afghanistan when I thought I had lost you."

Deeks stopped to take a breath and closed his eyes. Kensi stared at him, still processing what he just said. Things that had been lingering between them for so long, things she might even have guessed but never dared to ask.

"What happened in Afghanistan?"

She was a bit afraid of the answer, but sensed she had to ask this. Helping him to get it off his heart. He had helped her after her return to cope with what the Taliban had done to her. Now is was her turn to help him. Deeks smiled a bitter smile.

"You know that when Callen, Sam, Granger and Sabatino went to find you, they left me behind to interrogate the father of one of the Taliban"

Kensi nodded

"You also know that we exchanged him for you and Jack"

She nodded again.

"What you don't know is what happened in between"

After standing the whole time, Kensi felt the need to sit, so she simply sat down on the ground, leaning against the wall, her face towards Deeks.

"At first I tried to talk to him. I told him who you are and how important you are to me. He refused to speak. Then we tried something else. We denied him food and water, didn't allow him to sleep. I know this is on the brink of torturing or already torture however you might want to put it, but at that point I thought as long as we don't physically hurt him, it's still okay. Then I got Hetty on the sat phone. She told me Callen had found a picture of you..."

Deeks made a pause, as he was reliving the scene, still struggling with it...

"... and that on that picture it appears … as if you were dead"

He was pausing again, breathing heavily. Kensi had never seen that picture and until now nobody had mentioned it to her.

"I told her to sent me the picture, although she said they don't believe you're dead and that it's a fake. However I wanted her to send it and she did."

Deeks voice was barely a whisper now as he was recalling one of the worst moments of his life.

"You were lying on the ground, eyes closed. There was so much blood on the ground and around your neck and you seemed so pale and... fragile... I was just..."

He broke off, trying to fight off the picture that was establishing itself before his mind's eye again. Kensi wanted to get up, consoling him, telling him it had been a lie, but before she could Deeks found his voice again.

"When I saw that picture it was like... like I lost contact with the world, with the ground I was standing on. I wanted to yell, but I couldn't and I felt it coming … the fury... it was choking me ... and then it broke loose. HE took over I guess. I was dashing at the man and if it weren't for Makar I would have killed him with my bare hands. He was the only connection to the men who took you away from me and I … I couldn't think of anything else than killing him. Then Makar reminded me that we still hadn't the information where to look for you. And at that point I didn't care for anything anymore. I took a kettle and filled it with water, got a piece of cloth to cover his face. And I … I water boarded him..."

Deeks broke off, tears were streaming down his face. It was out in the open now, he had confessed.


	14. Chapter 14

To his surprise Kensi didn't seem scared or disgusted, nor did she leave. Her face was a mixture of confusion, realization … and compassion.

"What happened then?" she asked softly.

Deeks shrugged "I don't know after a while I came to my senses again I guess. That I was doing something wrong, something despicable. I stopped, put the cloth off his face and apologized. I told him I wouldn't do it again. Then we had that idea with the exchange. Even if you were dead, Sam, Callen and the others were still out there. It was during the exchange that I realized that you were still alive."

Kensi closed her eyes for a second. A lot of puzzle pieces had gotten into place now. And maybe for the first time she really understood Marty Deeks and the lonely fight he was leading every day.

Kensi felt the urge to say something, to let him now how she felt. But it seemed telling the story had taken all his strength from him. He had slumped down again, his head resting on his chest, his eyes closed. Kensi got up and took the towel that had fallen down on the ground. He made it wet again, this time with warm water, kept up his head and as carefully as she could wiped his face with it. He didn't even flinch.

"Deeks, we need to get you to the bedroom" she whispered into his ear.

He mumbled something she couldn't understand, but when she dragged him up it seemed like he was trying to help her. He was leaning hard on her again but somehow they made it to his bedroom. He collapsed into the bed and Kensi decided it was of no use trying to undress him, even if it would have been better. So she only took off his boots and socks and then tucked him up. Before she left the bedroom she took a final look at his face. He looked tired and worn out. There was nothing she wouldn't have done to help him. She had no idea what she could do but hopefully this time it would be enough.

When she got into the living room she looked at her watch. 4 am. She didn't want to leave him alone now but she also knew he would need more than just a few hours of sleep to get back up on his feet again. And then there was still the open case pending. She lay down on his couch, maybe one or two hours of sleep, then she had to get his car back to his place and then off to work. They needed to close that case as soon as possible. The sooner the better it was for Deeks.

Monty came up and jumped on the couch, laying down next to her. Kensi started stroking him and the regular and calm breath of the dog next to her helped her relax a little. After a few minutes she closed her eyes.


	15. Chapter 15

Kensi felt absolutely whacked when she entered the bullpen. Altogether she maybe have had four hours of sleep that night and that's how she felt. Her only consolation was that her colleagues didn't look any better than her. Judging from the fact that they wore the same clothes as yesterday and looked worn out it seemed like they had spent the whole night in their cars respectively in Eric's case at OPS. The only one looking as if she had spent the night at a spa instead was Hetty. She was brewing her tea when Kensi entered, grinning as if she just came from a weekend hiking in the Himalaya. When Hetty asked her about Deeks Kensi answered evasive, telling her he hadn't been well (she even included the puking part) and probably be late for work. Hetty nodded and grunted something, but seemed to be content with her explanation.

Kensi asked if the night had brought something new but nothing had changed. Brandel hadn't shown up neither at his appartment nor at the scrap yard. Callen thought that he was either dead or on the run. Which would be bad in both cases since they had no other lead in the case anymore. Nell had gotten all the papers and books from Nguyen and she and Eric had just started going through them.

Deeks woke up at about 9 am because of a loud noise from his neighbors. They had had an issue with their car all summer long, meanwhile the backfire sounded like a gunshot. As soon as Deeks opened his eyes he felt like he had a hornets nest between his ears. He was groaning, trying to shield his eyes from the daylight but there was no use. Another shot from his neighbors.

"For God's sake get your car repaired..." Deeks mumbled.

He opened his eyes again and looked at his watch. 9:15 am.

"Great... if this hangover won't kill me then Hetty will for sure" he thought.

Deeks rose and sat on the edge of the bed for a minute. Even though he had the hangover of his life he remembered what happened last night. At least in parts. He didn't remember how he got to the bar or how he got drunk but he remembered Kensi. What had happened after she had come to the bar and got him home. He was embarrassed that she had seen him like that, but now that everything was out in the open she might understand. Deeks closed his eyes and groaned again. He would need a lot of Aspirin to get through the day...


	16. Chapter 16

Deeks arrived at the bullpen shortly after 10:30 am and to his surprise all of his colleagues were around. Kensi and Nell greeted him with a smile and although the hornets were still tormenting him, seeing those smiles made him feel like a little boy at Christmas. Obviously Kensi had no hard feelings about yesterday. Sam was looking through some papers and gave him a nod.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah... I think... somehow..." Deeks answered.

Callen and Eric were missing, probably upstairs at OPS. Hetty appeared from behind her desk.

"Mr. Deeks..."

Deeks interrupted her

"Hetty, I'm really sorry I'm late but..."

"No need to apologize, Ms. Blye already informed us"

"She did?"

"Yes. And now we should get back to solving our case, don't you think?"

Deeks grunted and nodded

"Ms Jones, would you please give Mr. Deeks an update on the case, I'll be upstairs"

Hetty disappeared and Nell went over to him.

"Okay so this is what we found out yesterday: Nicholson was indeed a weapons dealer and sold pretty much everything he got his hands on to everybody who had enough money. He stole weapons, ammunition, weapon systems and such not only from the Navy but from everywhere he could get it."

"Which would make a lot of people mad at him and a lot of suspects for us" Deeks cut in.

Nell nodded.

"As a cover he worked as a general manager on a scrap yard in Signal Hill, which gave him the opportunity to store big things there and since the company was also shipping scrap metal worldwide we think he was also able to smuggle his goods out of the country on those transports. The geographical proximity of the scrap yard to the harbor helped too. It seems that way he could built up a network which was operating not only within the US, he also must have had contact persons in Asia, Latin America and the Middle East who accepted the consignments and distributed them there. Unfortunately we don't have any names of those persons, they kept very little on paper from these transactions."

"They?" Deeks asked.

Nell became a little uncomfortable.

"Nicholson had a partner, who was working as a bookkeeper at the scrap yard."

Deeks sensed what she was hiding at.

"My dad"

Nell nodded. "It seems that way. They know him under the name Joseph Richardson or Junior there."

Deeks took a deep breath. The hornets were still flying and now his father had turned out to be a common criminal. Could it get any worse?

Eric showed up at the stairs.

"Could you guys please come up, we may have found something"

"Maybe it can" Deeks thought before heading upstairs with Kensi, Nell and Sam following him.

In OPS he met with Callen, Hetty and Eric who had obviously found something in the papers. Eric explained that they had a found a list of ships which the company often booked to ship their scrap metal.

"We suspect that Nicholson and Brandel used them for smuggling their weapons as well" he concluded.

"The interesting part is that one of those ships is expected to come into port just this evening at 6 pm" Callen continued.

"From what I could see in the papers Nguyen has nothing to ship at the moment so why are they coming?" Nell asked.

"Maybe they realized they are in hot waters and try to flee the country..." Sam assumed.

"But why wait for a ship and don't just simply take a plane" Deeks asked. "It would be way faster"

"I suppose they wanted to avoid the controls at the airports. The people on this ship know them, they wouldn't ask questions and they had their contact persons waiting the next harbor to help them out" Callen concluded.

"So what do you think?" Kensi asked. They all started to sense what Callen was already planning.

"I think if Brandel's still alive, he will try to get onto this ship. To get out of the mess he and Nicholson have gotten themselves into. I think we should go to the harbor and try to catch him there. It may be our last chance to get our hands on him"

Deeks shuddered at the thought of seeing his father again face to face but he understood the necessity of it. His dad was probably the only person on the planet who knew everything about the whole business.

"Alright then, Mr. Callen, Mr. Hannah, Ms Blye and Ms Jones will go to the harbor, Mr. Deeks and Mr. Beale you stay here and observe the operation."

Deeks' frustration returned and the hornets got louder all of a sudden. Again he had to stay put. He knew Hetty was right, his presence at the harbor might complicate things but he wanted to do something more than just _observe_. Again his colleagues, his family, left without him, leaving him behind. As she walked past him and headed towards the exit Kensi touched his arm and squeezed it as if to console him. Yet there was no consolation for him. Not now...


	17. Chapter 17

They had spent the afternoon searching the area and getting to know it. From the harbor master's office they knew the embarkation point of the ship so they first searched if Brandel was already hiding somewhere and when they couldn't find anything they checked out the area in general. They decided to place Kensi on top of a storehouse along with her sniper rifle. Not to shoot Brandel but to prevent him boarding the ship just in case. Callen and Sam would pose as dockworkers and have the main job of arresting Brandel in case he showed up, Nell would hide in a passageway not accessible from Kensi's point of view to prevent Brandel from using this way to escape. For everything else they would have to rely on Eric's presence via cameras and their luck.

At about 5 pm the ship came in sight. Not one of the big ones that draw attention on themselves, but big enough to haul enough goods to make some money with it. This part of the harbor wasn't very busy at that time of the day and after they had informed the harbor master's office of their mission all unneeded personnel had been removed. There were only enough people present to make Brandel think himself safe in case he showed up.

At 5:30 pm a seemingly drunk man wove onto the scene, fell on the ground next to a barrel with waste oil and fell asleep. They decided not to pay too much attention in order not to raise suspicion, but Kensi kept an eye on him and so did Eric and Deeks.

5:45 pm. The ship had almost reached the pier. Callen and Sam made themselves ready to moor the ship while the others monitored the scenery from their respective positions.

5:50 pm. 10 minutes earlier than announced a sailor on board of the ship called on Callen and Sam to catch the ropes and moor the ship at the harbor installations. Which they did. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. The gangway was let down and after a while several crew members went ashore. Nobody tried to enter the ship or even got near it. Callen and Sam looked a little helpless, Deeks got nervous. What was his father up to? Where was he?

Then, all of a sudden things started to hum. Startled from the noise and the movements at the pier the drunk had woken up and started to get up on his feet again. Then a man showed up, dressed like port authority, directly heading to the gangway. As the drunk was heading into the same direction now they had to make a decision which one to approach. It seemed one of the two was their man but which one? Choose wrong and Brandel would be warned and flee.

"Deeks, which one is it?" Callens voice sounded repressed.

Deeks was unsure. The drunk would fit his fathers patterns but something in the way of walking of this port authority officer, who had almost reached the gangway, was familiar.

"Deeks!"

Deeks made a decision and prayed he was right.

"It's the officer" His voice sounded surprisingly calm though his guts rebelled.

Sam ran towards the gangway while Callen jostled away the drunk.

"NCIS! Freeze!"

But the man wouldn't even dream of stopping, on the contrary. Despite his age he was running up the gangway until one single shot could be heard and he was falling over. He started yelling and pressed his hand to his left tight. Two seconds later Sam was over him, bending his arms to his back to cuff them.

"Gordon John Brandel, you're under arrest for aiding and abetting in theft of Navy property, dealing stolen goods and supporting terrorism"

While Sam was cuffing him and reading him his Miranda rights, Brandel was fighting back fiercely, claiming he didn't know that man, that he was an officer with the port authority and how dare they would show up here arresting him. When they dragged the still violently opposing man down the gangway, Callen looked up to the rooftop where Kensi was still in position, at the point from where she had shot at the father of the man she loved.


	18. Chapter 18

Hetty decided that it was better to interrogate Brandel the next day. They had to get him to a hospital to get the bullet out of his tight and he was still denying everything. When he demanded a lawyer Callen countered him with the patriot act, since then it seemed he was pouting, refusing to cooperate in any form. It was already past 9 pm and after the sleepless night before they all needed some rest. They would leave him at the hospital and bring him to the boat shed in the morning where they could interrogate him. Maybe a good nights sleep would bring him to his senses.

When they came back from the harbor Deeks was already gone. The hornets had gotten worse and Hetty had agreed to sent him home to get some medication and sleep. But when Kensi approached her desk she found a note, hidden under some papers.

"I'm at my place, if you want to come over and talk, I'll be there. D." Kensi tried to hide a smile when Hetty appeared.

"Ms. Blye, I need your report on my desk by tomorrow morning."

"What? But..."

"I know, I know, but we have a hard day tomorrow and you shot our suspect. You know that requires some paperwork and after the White Ghost investigation we're still under surveillance from Washington."

Kensi still didn't understand why Washington made such a fuss over what happened in Afghanistan. Sure, the mission had went down the roof and she herself wasn't exactly innocent of it. But she had never completely understood why Hetty had been called to Washington and had almost lost her job. They had completed other questionable missions over the years but none had raised the attention of their superiors as much as this one. On the other hand, considering Deeks' confession from last night it seemed there were still things about the mission she didn't know.

"Alright..." Kensi gave up "You have it on your desk in an hour"

"Thank you, Ms. Blye".

When Kensi finally unlocked the door to Deeks' apartment she could almost immediately see that they wouldn't talk about anything this evening. Deeks was lying on his couch sleeping. Obviously the meds he had taken had already set in and only Monty was still awake. She stroked the dog for a while until he calmed down again, then tucked Deeks in like she had done the day before and left him a note on his coffee table. Then she turned off the lights and left for her own apartment. About one thing Hetty was right. She really needed some sleep considering what was waiting for them tomorrow.


	19. Chapter 19

It would have been too good to be true. Brandel was as uncooperative as the day before. At least he didn't deny his identity anymore. They had taken his fingerprints at the hospital so he could guess they knew who he really was. Other than that there was no change in his behavior. Callen and Sam had taken him to the boat shed. Their secret interrogation facility had undergone a renovation recently and had just gotten finished in time to conduct the questioning there.

Very soon it had turned out that there was no use of Callen and Sam undertaking the interrogation. They had arrested him, they were the enemy and he refused to speak with them. When he did, he was making fun of them, calling Sam a gorilla or mumbling something about police violence. Whatever they tried they didn't get anything from him. When they had asked Hetty for how to proceed she had decided that it was now Kensi's turn. Brandel hadn't seen her on the rooftop and had no idea it had been her who had shot him.

Deeks would have given anything to prevent this. The woman he loved the most on this planet together in a room with the man he hated the most. But there was no other choice. Nell didn't have the experience and he himself wasn't allowed to conduct the questioning. Hetty was still at OPS and it seemed she didn't even think of coming to their rescue and only God knew where Granger was at that point. It had to be Kensi.

While she was preparing for the interrogation Callen and Sam left for Brandel's apartment. It had been sealed after he had become an official suspect and now they had the time to go through his things and maybe find something to help Kensi nail him down. Deeks had come to the boat shed and would watch the whole questioning next door via a monitor to help her if anything would went wrong.

It gave Deeks chills to know his father was just a room away but he tried to seem unconcerned. Not that he could have fooled Kensi but at least Callen and Sam seemed alright with the situation. Or maybe they just wanted to finish the whole case as soon as possible.

"Any advice?" Kensi asked when Callen and Sam had left.

"Not really. Just try not to let him get under your skin. He's gonna try to catch you on the wrong foot, make fun of you or simply close down as he did with the others."

"Alright then" Kensi took his hand and squeezed it. It was as cold as ice.

"He can't hurt you anymore, okay?" Kensi said.

Deeks swallowed and looked down on the ground

"Okay" he said.

* * *

><p>"Mr. Brandel, I'm Special Agent Blye, I'm gonna continue with the questioning" Kensi said as she entered the room where they usually interogated their suspects.<p>

Brandel seemed surprised at first, then a sardonic grin appeared on his face. Kensi shuddered. Deeks was right.

"Excellent! I didn't know the NCIS has such good looking chicks around for their _interrogations_".

He emphasized the word "interrogation" as if he was using another word for brothel. Outside Deeks was already clutching his fists. One sentence from the man and he was ready to rip his head off. Kensi tried to act unimpressed and placed herself on the opposite side of the table.

"You're here because you're suspected of aiding in the theft of Navy property, selling weapons and artillery to terrorists worldwide and..."

Before she could continue Brandel cut her off.

"...and I'm sure you have great evidence against me to back such accusations, sweety."

"We do indeed, we have witnesses linking you with the late Chief Petty Officer Bradley Nicholson who was accused of committing these crimes for several years and now, with the help of a certain scrap yard owner, we have the means to prove it."

If Brandel was impressed or unsure he didn't show it.

"You can only proof that I worked as a bookkeeper, honey, nothing more. I don't know anything about stealing or selling weapons, I was just shipping junk from one place to another."

"How long did you know Nicholson?" Kensi tried from another ankle.

"I don't remember, a couple of years. We bumped into each other, got friendly and he asked me to do a job for him. I needed the money, so I took it." Brandel shrugged.

"So friendly he helped you faking your death and then you acted as character witness in his court martial?"

Brandel grinned and showed a line of untended, yellowish teeth.

"I see you've done your homework, lady. Yes, that friendly. As far as I know it's no crime to want to get away from your old life as long as you don't break any laws. Yes, we faked that car accident but nobody got hurt, my car didn't have insurance so you can't blame me of insurance fraud. And being a witness for a friend is no capital crime as well as far as I can remember. Let's face it lady, you have nothing against me apart from some flimsy facts that won't hold in court for a second."

"Nobody got hurt? What about the dead person who was found in your car?" Kensi asked.

Brandel shrugged again "No idea, that was all Nicholson's doing. He told me to disappear for a few weeks and when I came back everything was already over"

Kensi's phone beeped.

"Excuse me..." Kensi got up

"Oh, I'll look very much forward to you coming back, sweety!" Brandel yelled after her, laughing.

"This doesn't go well" Deeks stated when Kensi came out of the interrogation room

"Yeah? Tell me about it..." Kensi snapped and regretted it immediately.

Deeks was pale and she could sense he was fearing his father would walk free from all of this. She looked down, ashamed,

"I'm sorry, I'm just..."

"... frustrated, I know." Deeks finished the sentence for her.

"Anything from Callen and Sam?" Kensi asked.

"Nothing yet"

"I have something left to ask him, let's hope in the meantime Callen and Sam come up with something good" Kensi said and turned around to go back.

"Kens?"

His voice made her turn around.

"Be careful. He's up to something, I can feel it."

Kensi nodded, then she went back to the interrogation room.


	20. Chapter 20

"What did you want on the ship?"

"What?" Brandel was puzzled for a second.

"When we arrested you you were in the process of boarding that ship, what did you want there?" Kensi asked

"Well... I … I wanted to inform our partners of our dear friends passing..."

_our Partners_...

"In the uniform of an officer of the port authority?" Kensi pressed.

"My God, I wanted to play a little trick on them, that's no crime."

"You play a trick on them and then tell them your partner died?"

Kensi wasn't convinced in the slightest and Brandel knew it.

* * *

><p>Callen was frustrated. They had searched Brandel's appartment but except for empty bottles and greasy clothes they hadn't found anything usefull. They were almost done with Brandel's bedroom when Sam stepped on something. A loosen part of the parquet flooring that conceded under his weight. The two partners looked at each other. Sam took out a knife and together they started to dig up what was underneath Brandel's bedroom floor.<p>

Half an hour later they had found bloody clothing and some papers including a list of names and some tables with figures only Brandel could make sense of. They didn't know if they had made a great catch but it was at least something. They had to get the clothes tested as soon as possible, maybe Brandel had something to do with Nicholson's death. Before they left Callen took photos from the papers and sent them to Nell in OPS so she could already start working on deciphering them.

* * *

><p>Everything went fast.<p>

Out of the blue Brandel lifted the table up a few inches and threw it on Kensi. Obviously the construction workers had forgotten to screw it tight onto the ground again. Nobody had checked or payed attention to the detail but obviously Brandel had noticed it, probably while she was gone. Now that he had realized she was getting the upper hand in the questioning he had decided to act and tried to flee.

The table landed on Kensi who let out a cry, more of surprise than of pain, but it gave Brandel the time to get up, limp to the door and out of the interrogation room. Kensi got angry, angry at herself for letting him catch her napping like that and pushed away the table from her. She got up, ready to run after him. When she reached the door he was at the end of the hallway looking around which way to take now.

What he didn't see was the fist coming down on him. Kensi knew to whom it belonged but Brandel was completely unaware of what was happening. He got knocked over and fell hard on the ground. He was still conscious, rubbing his chin before he lifted up his head to see who had hit him.

"YOU?"

Deeks' voice was cold and toneless.

"You hurt her again, I'm gonna kill you."


	21. Chapter 21

Kensi hadn't seen Deeks' face when he had uttered the threat against his father but when they got down to drag Brandel up to his feet again his face was motionless and cold as a stone. Brandel himself was too flummoxed to say anything, he had expected everything but not his son whom he had seen last when he was imprisoned many years ago. After the 11 year old Marty had shot him with a shotgun when he had attacked his family.

They put him back into the interrogation room and cuffed him to the table to prevent another escape attempt. Then Deeks left, still with a face as cold as a stone, not saying anything. Kensi steadied herself, took a deep breath and sat down again. Sadly Brandel had gotten his self-control back as well, because before Kensi could say anything he started ranting.

"My son? That's all you come up with? That lousy bastard who never did anything smart in his life and now you have him shipped in to bring me back into jail again? My arse, he isn't even able to tie his shoes without help and now you want him to think independently?"

Brandel started laughing so loud it could be heard through the closed doors. Kensi stared at him. She was appalled how much hate this man had in him and how much he hated his son. There had been times when she had hated her mother as well for leaving the family and leaving her alone, but it had never been as bad as this. He hadn't seen his son since Deeks was 12 years old and obviously didn't know a thing about him. He had never cared to know anything about him. How could he judge him like that? Brandel had stopped laughing, now observing Kensi's reaction.

"What's wrong? Don't tell me you feel sorry for him? ... Wait, oh my God, she likes him!" Brandel started to laugh again.

Kensi cursed herself for giving him this advantage, now he could go on and ramble about it. It had happened as Deeks had predicted. He had caught her on the wrong foot and now he had the upper hand.

Outside Deeks wanted to bang his head against the next wall. He had screwed it. His intervention had informed his father about his presence and now everything blew up in Kensi's face. Now he even dragged their relationship into the mud. Deeks wasn't surprised what his father thought of him, but he was afraid what Kensi might think of all this. She was more or less trapped in the interrogation room, doomed to deliver something to lock his father up and he didn't know how to help her. It was then that his cell phone started ringing. He almost gave a jump, saw on the display that it was Nell and answered the phone.

"Please let it be something good."

"Callen and Sam found something at Brandel's appartment" Nell started,

"A list of names which appear to be contact persons from all over the world and a table of figures which they couldn't make any sense of."

Deeks closed his eyes. Not another dead end. But Nell continued:

"In combination with the papers we got from Mr. Nguyen, we were able to determine that this is a list of shipments from the scrap yard of the last two years and together with the list of contacts we also have their destinations. We have already contacted Interpol and local authorities to find the respective persons and maybe even retrieve some of the weapons. We also found some names that belong to groups inside the US who we can pursue ourselves. Also Callen and Sam found some bloody clothes who could link your father to the murder of Nicholson. They're on the way to the lab to get them analyzed"

"Thanks Nell" Deeks ended the call.

He was still shaking about what happened and could see his father grinning at Kensi on the monitor, but maybe that call was what they just needed.


	22. Chapter 22

Brandel was at full speed now.

"No idea hat you find on him. Seriously, do you love him? Did he tell you that he shot me? The little shithead, was always trouble, didn't do what he was being told, always hanging around with his foul friend Ray who wasn't any better. I mean come on, you're a fairly good looking girl, why not hook up with a real man and not some wimp who hasn't gotten anything done right in his life."

"Is he hitting on me?" Kensi thought appalled when her cell phone was beeping again.

"Oh your loverboy is calling"

It was indeed a text message from Deeks.

"Found evidence that links him to the shipments and a contact list. FBI and international authorities are on it. Also found bloody clothes"

Kensi raised an eyebrow. Not enough to nail him down but maybe she could try to bluff.

"Mr. Brandel, I just got a message that my colleagues found some evidence that links you to the shipments also including a list of contacts abroad. We also found, and I find that very interesting, some evidence that links you to the murder of Brad Nicholson. Some pieces of clothes with very distinct stains."

Brandel got serious all of a sudden.

"I'm gonna tell you how it is" Kensi continued

"We have evidence and witness statements that you and Nicholson where partners, the lists from your appartment proof that you were well aware of what was going on and that you were trying to hide it. Now we found bloody clothes that link you to the murder of Nicholson and I'm wondering what the ship's crew will tell us when we're going to interrogate them. So you can tell us now what happened and maybe get away with jail or you'll be prosecuted for theft, fencing, supporting international terrorism and the murder of a Navy service member which means death row is waiting for you."

The words "death row" got Brandel alerted. He startled up, obviously he hadn't thought of that possibility yet.

"Think about it" Kensi continued "this is federal law, not state law and federal prosecutors don't like it when service members are being killed, no matter how guilty they may have been. And shipping weapons to Al-Kaida, ISIS, Boko-Haram and who knows what doesn't make your biography look any better. Better you tell us now what you know, maybe you'll be getting around death row then."

"This would be my third conviction, I wouldn't be getting out of jail for the rest of my life anyway" Brandel remarked, but he seemed spiritless now. It was more of a statement than an objection.

"Your choice, you have time to make up your mind until I'm out of that door. From then on the deal is off and you can rot in death row for all I care."

Kensi got up, grabbed her stuff and started walking.

"Wait..." Brandel gave up "...I'll tell you what happened."


	23. Chapter 23

It turned out that Brandel and Nicholson had been working together for years. They had faked Brandel's death to get off the hook of the police since Brandel had been on parole since he was released from prison. Brandel swore he didn't know who the dead person in his car was as Nicholson had organized everything. They both took new identities, Brandel a permanent one, Nicholson only when needed and had employed themselves at Nguyen's scrap yard. Nicholson could be very charming and he had convinced Nguyen that his English was so bad he wouldn't be able to run his business without him and his faithful bookkeeper and Nguyen had believed them. That way they could present themselves with a job and also had the opportunities to ship their goods wherever they wanted.

They had stolen weapons not only from the Navy but also from other armed services branches like Army or Air Force as well as professional arms dealers. It had gone good and they had made a lot of money which they hid on offshore bank accounts on the Caymans and Liechtenstein. But after a while they had gotten into hot water, some weapons dealer had placed a bounty on their heads and Nicholson had gotten cold feet. He had wanted to flee the country. Alone.

The night of the murder they had met at the harbor one last time to talk about everything. Brandel had tried to persuade Nicholson to stay put or at least to flee together. But Nicholson had refused, he had just laughed at him, telling him that "Junior" would have to grow up and pee with the big guys alone now. Brandel had gotten mad and they had argued, then Brandel had taken out a revolver and had hit Nicholson on the head with it. When the other one was on his knees, holding his injured head, Brandel hat gotten behind him and pulled the trigger. Then he went into hiding until the ship that was supposed to bring his partner abroad showed up to take Nicholson's place and leave the US once and for all.

* * *

><p>Kensi had gotten everything she wanted. They had his confession recorded, a written one would follow. She got up to un-cuff him from the table and get him to prison where he belonged. But there was still something on her mind that she had to get off her chest. Next to him, she remained standing, looking down on him.<p>

"An hour ago you asked me if I love your son. Yes, I do. And I'm gonna tell you why. Because he's ten times the man you are. Because he's a good man, caring, responsible and smart. He has his flaws and issues too, but as opposed to you, he's aware of them and is afraid to hurt somebody. You on the contrary always took the easiest path, stamping around on anybody weaker than you to make you feel better about yourself. He would never do that. You know, while our investigation we saw that you've had no other friends than Nicholson, whom you killed. Now you can go to prison knowing that your son is loved, not only by me, but also by his friends and colleagues. That we value him and care about his well being. And that we would die for him if necessary. Now... Who cares about you? Who's the better man now?"

Brandel remained silent, he didn't even look at her. He was staring at the table, waiting for her to finish.

"That's what I thought" was Kensi's last response, she got him up and cuffed his hands behind his back.

Deeks watched breathlessly as Kensi was talking to his father. Originally he had wanted to leave the minute his dad had confessed to avoid having to look him in the eye again when he was led away. Now he was glad he didn't. After all he had told her, after all that had happened, she still loved him. It was kind of odd to hear Kensi speaking out what she thought to another person and not directly to him but maybe that was an aspect of their relationship and their always lingering communication issues. He had to get drunk and she had to get provoked to tell it another person. However the second she was done he was so overwhelmed with emotion that he had to restrain himself not to go inside and kiss her. For the first time in the last two days he felt something as... peace. With himself and with her. When Kensi got out of the interrogation room with Brandel, cuffed and walking in front of her, Deeks couldn't lift his eyes from her. His father, the man he had feared for so long had become an extra whom he didn't attach value for a second. There was only her.


	24. Chapter 24

When Kensi brought Brandel to her car to get him to prison Callen and Sam came towards her. They had just arrived at the boat shed but already knew what had happened. The minute Brandel had agreed to make a confession, Deeks had called Hetty and she in return had informed them. So they hadn't hurried on their way back to meet this phantom from Deeks' life one last time.

"We heard you had a nice chat with Mr. Brandel here" Callen was grinning while Brandel looked liked he wanted to jump down his throat

"Did you have any doubts?" Kensi asked raising her eyebrows playfully

"Not in the slightest"

After Kensi had placed Brandel in the car and closed the door she had a request

"Could you do me a favor?"

"Fire away" Sam answered.

"Could you bring Brandel to prison? I just want to make sure Deeks is okay, the interrogation was a little rough at times."

Sam smiled. "Sure. Provided you give us the key to your car"

Kensi hung up the key on her finger so Sam only had to grab it from there.

"Thank you. Oh and be careful with the radio, Deeks always complains about it maybe you want to turn the sound down a little."

Callen and Sam exchanged one of their "What-the-heck?"-looks while Kensi turned around and headed towards the boat shed again.

She found Deeks outside of the building, leaning his back against a sidewall, staring onto the water. He was deep entangled in his thoughts.

"Deeks?... You okay?"

He smiled, looking at her. Kensi felt hope raising inside when she saw it, it was the first time he had smiled for the last two days. And he smiled at her.

"Yeah. There are still things I need to think about... work them out, you know" he started "But yeah, I think I'll be okay. How about you?"

"I'm fine" Kensi replied, not sure what else to say. A silence arose with both of them not sure what to say.

"Can I ask you something?" Deeks finally asked.

"Anything"

"What you told my father... about me... did you mean it or were you just angry?"

"Deeks..." Kensi made a face as if he had just asked her if one and one makes two.

"Of course I meant it. Every word. And if you ever doubt that let me know and I'm gonna tell you again."

Before she could say more he turned around and clasped her in his arms as tightly as he could. As if he would never let her go again. There were still issues that would have to be addressed and worked out, not only on his side but on hers too. But right then and there he could feel that everything would turn out well if they would face them together. How it's supposed to be.


End file.
